Avoiding Demand Avoidance

Tricks for Dealing With Pathological Demand Avoidance

Do you routinely get anxiety about having to do things? Feeling like you have no control in life and missing deadlines due to resistance? Struggle to even do basic tasks you feel need to get done?

You might have Pathological Demand Avoidance, or PDA.

People with PDA, or PDAers, can get anger, anxiety, or other resistance to tasks that feel pressured or necessary. Anything from homework to just needing to eat or go to the bathroom can trigger PDA.

But as people in this world, there’s going to be times when things are, well, necessary. Things like self care, school, work, or even clubs and friendships, will need us to do certain things. From putting on shoes to leave the house, to making a rapidly encroaching deadline, somethings just have to be done.

So how do we cope? Here’s some ideas for making it easier to function

Lessen Pressure:

Sometimes using less stressful terminology, and even being more lax in what language we use internally, can really help. Instead of beating yourself up for not doing homework, say “My grades will look a lot better if I get this done. I’ll work on it a little at a time.” Or even "I can do the dishes when I'm ready, there's no rush, and a clear sink would make my life easier." Letting yourself choose to do it, because it will give you an outcome you want, is much less triggering than forcing it with repercussions and frustration.

Or even giving yourself an out – something like; “If I go to the party later, I’ll only stay how long I want. I can always leave early, if I need to.” Letting yourself have leeway in what obligations you keep can make it more easy to keep them. And letting yourself have an out, like leaving early or stopping an activity if it frustrates you, can help you feel more in control of the situation by reminding you what control you DO have. It can really help to remind yourself you always have a choice.

Imagine a PANDA:

P – Prioritize and Compromise: If you have a list a mile long, choose the ones most important to you. Make a pros and cons list if you need to. And don’t let perfection be the enemy of done – 50% is better than 0% completed. It’s okay to only do part of a task.

A – Anxiety Management: Do what you need to de-stress! From fidget toys to exercise, breathing to a limited distraction as needed, keeping your anxiety in check and sense of control over the situation strong really helps!

N – Negotiation and Collaboration: Our society is built on our working together. You are always allowed to ask for help. Friends, family, even technology is around to assist most tasks. Work together with others, in person or not, and share the load. A new perspective, or someone taking half a task, helps things get done faster and easier!

D – Disguise and Manage Demands: Make it into a game! Instead of going to the pharmacy for your medicine? You’re on a quest to the local apothecary to procure treatment for a curse. The thought of getting dressed just exhausting? You’re a barbie or ken doll now, make a cute outfit for your new photo shoot! (Even take some selfies!) Just do what you can to make it fun.

A – Adaptation: From body doubling to changing how a task is done, do what works for you! There’s no one sole right way to do anything. Use a swiffer mop. Eat cheese out of a bag and some bread, it’s basically a sandwich. Fold clothes when you’re ready and just use them out of the clean bag or basket until then. It’s fine. There’s no cookie for doing it like anyone else

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Low Arousal Approaches:

Making a calming environment and making tasks into choices helps a lot.

Instead of “I need to eat,” ask “Would I prefer ramen or eggs today?” or “Is there something I’m craving today? How can I make it happen?” Don’t internally pressure or yell at yourself. Put on calming music, keep the lights low, or even just open a window. Put on comfy clothes, or even pajamas! Put your phone on do not disturb for a little while. Make your space take less of your energy and attention. Allow, or even plan, sensory breaks! Whatever makes it less overwhelming, do that.

There’s plenty more tips than I can fit here. See the links below for more ideas, and even some literature for friends and family/self advocacy!

Works Cited

“15 Life Hacks for PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance).” NeuroClastic, 6 Dec. 2019, neuroclastic.com/15-life-hacks-for-pda-pathological-demand-avoidance/. Accessed 31 May 2025.

admin. “Living with Pathological Demand Avoidance: Strategies for Dealing with PDA.” Rachelle Bloksberg, 19 July 2024, rachellebloksberg.com/living-with-pathological-demand-avoidance-strategies-for-dealing-with-pda-in-adults-for-autism-and-adhd/. Accessed 31 May 2025.

“Demand Avoidance.” Autism.org.uk, 2025, www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/demand-avoidance. Accessed 31 May 2025.

“Demand Avoidance: What It Is and Some Strategies for Moving Forward.” Default, 2019, aidecanada.ca/resources/learn/asd-id-core-knowledge/demand-avoidance-what-it-is-and-some-strategies-for-moving-forward. Accessed 31 May 2025.

“Effectively Managing PDA: Pathological Demand Avoidance | Bay Area CBT Center.” Bay Area CBT Center, 27 July 2024, bayareacbtcenter.com/pda-pathological-demand-avoidance/. Accessed 31 May 2025.

Finch, Sam Dylan. “Demand Avoidance: A Guide for When You’re Too Anxious to Do Anything.” Helloalma.com, Alma, 15 May 2023, helloalma.com/blog/demand-avoidance/. Accessed 31 May 2025.

Godfrey, Casey. “What Is Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and How Can We Address It?” The ACT Group, 2025, theactgroup.com.au/pathological-demand-avoidance/. Accessed 31 May 2025.

Laushman, Patty. “Pathological Demand Avoidance in Adults and How to Help Them.” ThriveAutismCoaching, 26 Apr. 2023, www.thriveautismcoaching.com/post/pathological-demand-avoidance-in-adults-how-to-help-them-get-unstuck. Accessed 31 May 2025.

Newson, E. “Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome: A Necessary Distinction within the Pervasive Developmental Disorders.” Archives of Disease in Childhood, vol. 88, no. 7, 21 June 2003, pp. 595–600, www.verywellmind.com/pathological-demand-avoidance-7111530, https://doi.org/10.1136/adc.88.7.595. Accessed 31 May 2025.

“Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA): A Guide to Understanding and Supporting Individuals.” Handspringhealth.com, 2025, www.handspringhealth.com/post/pathological-demand-avoidance. Accessed 31 May 2025.

“PDA Approaches - PDA Society.” PDA Society - Pathological Demand Avoidance, 28 Apr. 2025, www.pdasociety.org.uk/what-helps-guides/pda-approaches/. Accessed 31 May 2025.

“Reddit - the Heart of the Internet.” Reddit.com, 2023, www.reddit.com/r/AutisticAdults/comments/13363f5/debilitating_pathological_demand_avoidance_tips/. Accessed 31 May 2025.

Sharon_Admin. “Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and Autism: A Guide for Allies - Reframing Autism.” Reframing Autism, 21 Feb. 2024, reframingautism.org.au/pathological-demand-avoidance-pda-and-autism-guide-for-allies/. Accessed 31 May 2025.

““What Helps?” Guides - PDA Society.” PDA Society - Pathological Demand Avoidance, 12 Apr. 2025, www.pdasociety.org.uk/what-helps-guides/. Accessed 31 May 2025.