Alternatives for Going Home for the Holidays

A lack of a healthy, traditional family dynamic shouldn’t slow you down

Trigger warning: this article contains themes and generalities when it comes to toxic family dynamics and sensitive relationships with family members. Reader’s discretion is advised, and if you or anyone you know is struggling with an unhealthy relationship with one or more family members, please reach out to a trusted individual or the proper authorities for help. 

With the holiday season rapidly approaching, it might be difficult to avoid the conversations around family. After all, many of the holidays are very family-focused and centered. Despite traditions and social norms, many of us can have some members of our family or the entire family itself that leave us feeling emotionally drained and even hurt, even in only a few hours of celebration.

Having one or more family members with toxic behaviors, engaging in emotional manipulation, or having created/assisted in creating an unsafe environment can make ‘going home for the holidays’ difficult or even impossible for the sake of your mental health. But remember, you’re not alone, and regardless of what time of year it is, your mental health and safety ALWAYS comes first.

So, if ‘going home’ isn’t possible this- or any -year, we’ve thrown together this list of alternatives that you can do or take. These can be traditions that you make to reclaim the holiday season as a time to relax and focus on yourself and others.

1. “Chosen Family” Celebration

Gaining popularity over the last several years, the “chosen family” is a concept of close friends, neighbors, co-workers, mentors, and other non-blood relatives coming together when the traditional family concept of blood relatives isn’t an option, regardless of the reason.

Chosen or found family celebrations can be a healthy alternative. As highlighted by Psychology Today (n.d.), friends that we consider to be family can often maintain healthy boundaries around areas that traditional family members might struggle with, particularly around imposed judgments and principles.

We often choose our friends based on our compatibility, understanding, personal interests, and shared experiences. Given these preferences, it makes sense that chosen and found family members tend to be empathetic, compassionate, and understanding when it comes to wanting to spend the holidays together rather than in the traditional family setting, and this healthy dynamic can be just what we need for the holidays.

2. The Solo Holiday

This may be less ideal for those who thrive with social interaction or those who may need it for their mental health and safety. However, if you’re an introvert or do not have a strong personal, religious, or historical connection to the upcoming holidays, there’s always the option to celebrate it alone.

Taking an adventure to a new city, beach, or even country can create a unique and refreshing experience. For those who have a tighter budget, consider a stay-cation. Either can be great for selfcare whether it’s by sleeping in, lightly exercising with walks, hiking, or other activities, taking some time to breathe, and only focusing on your needs.

These holiday vacations can help you recharge your emotional and physical batteries, even if they aren’t over long periods of time, and lead to decreased stress that affects both our minds and bodies according to experts with the American Psychological Association (June 2023).

3. Give back

For some of us, the holiday season has a heavy importance around the community, and this can be a difficult aspect to give up or replace with another celebration method, but you don’t have to. Another alternative is to seek community through giving, and you can do this in a variety of ways.

Volunteering for local charities and programs is a popular way to honor the season, but if you don’t have much time or resources, smaller acts like helping out your neighbors, local schools and community organizations can be just as impactful. Whether big or small acts, getting to connect with those around you can reinforce that idea of community, togetherness, and self esteem, too!

Many experts have reinforced this notion in regards to children, according to Jacob Farrar (2024) who is the Director of University Relations with PSI Solutions, but these benefits could apply to those of all ages!

Check with your local organizations, groups, and charities to see if you can lend a helping hand and make connections with people.

Conclusion

There are many different ways that you can focus on your own mental health and needs as the holiday season approaches if returning to your family, blood or otherwise, is not a safe or healthy option for you.

Remember, the most important factors to consider are what you can do, what you’d like to do, and what is safe and reasonable for you to do.

Heavy feelings like guilt and pressure to follow the social-normative values around spending the holidays in a traditional family setting can be normal. If you start to feel overwhelmed or the feelings are making your daily life more difficult, consider discussing these difficulties with a close friend or even a therapist. Setting boundaries and opening up about these difficulties can be hard, but it’s important to remember that your health comes first. You cannot pour from an empty cup, regardless of what time of year it is.

Was this article for you to decide what you will do this year or maybe next year? What are some of your non-traditional ways of celebrating the upcoming holiday season?

Feel free to leave a comment or write to us at info@caarecounseling.org if you’re interested in suggesting future blog articles! Also check out our social media accounts to interact with future blog polls/ideas and stay up to date.

Need to talk to someone about family and/or holiday difficulties? Reach out to us via our email or call 609-495-9051 to set up a free 15-minute consultation to see if one of our therapists would be a good fit to help.

References

American Psychological Association. (June 2023). Speaking of Psychology: Why you should take a vacation - and how to get the most out of it, with Jessica de Bloom, PhD, and Sarah Pressman, PhD. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/vacation 

Farrar, J. (November 2024). The Mental Wellness Benefits of Volunteering for School-Aged Children over the Holidays. PSI Solutions. Retrieved from https://www.psi-solutions.org/the-mental-wellness-benefits-of-volunteering-for-school-aged-children-over-the-holidays/ 

Psychology Today. (n.d.). Family Dynamics. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/family-dynamics/families-we-choose