Found Family: Healing Through the People Who Choose You

The word “family” can be a complex word to define for many in the LGBTQ+ community. It can mean both love and loss, comfort and pain. Some of us were raised in spaces and around people where we couldn’t be our true and authentic selves. Many of us had to leave those spaces early on to survive. This requires us to define what “home” means to us when it is created rather than inherited. That is where found family comes in, these are the people that choose you; scars and all. 

What Found Family Really Means

The family you create isn’t lesser than the one you were born with. In many ways the bonds you create can be stronger. A lot of people love to bring up the proverb “Blood is thicker than water” to portray why you should always stick by your blood family but don’t actually know the full verse, which is “Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” The actual proverb portrays that the bonds you make in life are stronger than you ones you are brought into the world with. These bonds are a type of love that’s intentional, nurturing, and deeply human. And for many, it is a lifeline that provides what many of us weren’t raised with: unconditional acceptance.

Everyday Moments of Care

The love that is shown through a found family isn’t always big, dramatic gestures. It is built and maintained with small consistent acts of care. It’s the friend that uses your correct pronouns even when you aren’t around, the group chat that sends

a meme when they know you are having a hard time, cooking dinner together when everyone needs comfort but no one has the energy, the friend that gently grounds you when they see you are getting anxious with a joke, or giving a small handmade gift that you treasure. Small acts that prove love doesn’t have to be loud to be real and that you are there for each other's tough days with no judgement, just presence and warmth. 

Why it Matters for Mental Health

Through stigma, discrimination, and rejection, the LGBTQ+ community faces heavy isolation which can lead to loneliness and disconnection. However, through community, we can find a family that acts as a buffer and a support system that reminds us we are safe and worthy of love. A special kind of healing occurs when you are surrounded by people who truly understand who you are. When someone sees all of you, your joy and pain, your vices and virtues, and your perfections and faults, and they still choose to stay each and every day, it heals something deep inside of you. It tells you: “You are not too much or not enough. You are not unlovable. You belong.” That feeling can create a drive inside you to grow. It can turn just surviving into wanting to thrive. 

Building Your Own Found Family

Found family isn’t something that happens overnight. It is slow and appears in the most unexpected of places. It can be found in support groups, queer meetups, art spaces, online communities, or even in the quiet corners of your daily life. Just be yourself. You don’t need to perform or be perfect to find it. Those that are meant to be a part of your family will find you in that authenticity. 

A Reminder

Family isn’t just who you come from.  

It’s who helps you grow.  

It’s who makes you feel seen when the world tries to make you invisible.  

And you deserve that love fully, fiercely, and without conditions.